Just When I Thought You Couldn't Possibly Be Any Dumber, You Go and Do Something Like This... and Totally Redeem Yourself!!

In a fight between San Cristobol and Palermo Soho, PS would totally rock SC's s*** up...

Confused by this? I will explain. Friday, besides landing in BA, was the most exciting day I have had to date. It was the day I moved from San Cristobol to Palermo.

While 'Rincon 984' sufficed as a place to lay my head for my first three weeks in the city. It was however, my own personal hell. I would like to preface what I am about to say: I really do like kids and am great with them (I have references). I'm looking forward to the day that I have a few kiddies of my own because I know that they will be awesome, like me (stifle your laughter por favor). They will also be toe-heads if I have any say in the matter, but that is

besides the point.

That being said; Tito y Nelida have four grandchildren all under the age of 6. There was an understood rule that we weren't supposed to make much noise at night when the kids were spending the night. In my mind that was understandable; that was, until 7:30 am on a Saturday when those little f***ers decided it was time to play ninjas. I am not a morning person, nor will I ever be. If you're going to wake me up you better be holding a coffee with breakfast in bed or else you will face my wrath. What those kids deserved was a swift backhand to the face (figuratively people, I don't beat children), but what they got were all smiles from this girl!!

Besides listening to constant arguing, the barrage of children, the cockroaches, and all of their extended family constantly interrupting my sleep, it wasn't that bad of a situation. I met some really nice girls who were great at helping me with my spanish.

Alas, now I am in Pelermo Soho!!! It's just absolutely amazing and I can't believe I get to live here. The men are more respectful, the trash is minimal, and I even saw someone picking up after their dog. Que raro!!! It's heaven on earth; even the air smells fresher.

Take for example the supermarkets... I've been to Jumbo, an Argentine type of

SuperTarget, twice in two days. The first time I went there I was nearly in tears because I could actually buy edible food. They even have brie and tobasco sauce!!! Still on the lookout for some peanut butter... There are parks one after the next that are well maintained with lush roses and huge trees. They even have a Burger King 6 blocks away. Can you say hangover food!! I am now officially spoiled!

Argentina... nay... Buenos Aires has completely redeemed itself!! I am happy that I have found a safe, clean, and hip area to call home. And for any of you who are thinking about sending me some love, I am accepting packages at the following address:

Nicaragua 4836
Piso 4b,
1414 Capital Federal
Buenos AiresArgentina

Even the graffiti is classier in PS

Come on, Everyone's Doing it....

Quite some time back I was invited to an 80's party. When thinking of an outfit to wear, I decided I could go with the side ponytail/big sweatshirt/spandex pants look; however I decided to blaze my own path (weird, that's soo not like me) and came up with an amazing costume. If you haven't seen Wet, Hot, American Summer you are sadly missing out. Lenny and I dressed up with our knee-high workout socks, little gym shorts, 80's baseball shirts, and whistles. To finalize our costumes, we included a quintessential 80's object.... The fanny pack...

The fanny pack is quite an ingenious idea especially when one is out at a bar. You have both hands free to double fist a shot and a beer; you can carry your wallet, camera, and phone without having bulky pockets. I mean, no one can refute the functionality of this product. Now, you may be asking yourself, "why ramble on about fanny packs?"

Well, in Buenos Aires, there has been a resurgence of the fanny pack!!! At first, I thought it was just tourists that utilized the "Buffalo Pouch." Three weeks in, and I have found out that even locals use them... Now, just to clarify; I'm not talking about the gucci bag SJP wore in Sex in the City... I wish that was the case. No, no; I'm talking about your typical, run of the mill, $5.00 Walmart fanny pack. If I had known that all the cool kids were wearing fanny packs, I would have brought my two (yes I own two, sadly) along to rotate throughout the week. Damned are the fashion gods!!!!

To change the subject completely; I am excited for this next year for many reasons. First of all, umm hello... I'm living in Buenos Aires!!!! It still shocks me from time to time, especially when I look at a map of the world. I am also very happy about being able to practice my spanish. For those of you that don't know, Argentina has a very distinct dialect that is quite different from anywhere else. They tend to pronounce their words with an Italian accent. It's like comparing apples and oranges; they're similar but still completely different. Not to mention, the spanish down here is just unbelievably sexy. It easily makes a girl with my complexion blush.

Another thing I am very excited about is being able to do things on my own without a man. Oh, don't worry, I'm not going to begin a rant on Men-Bashing. It's just funny though, the things that men excel at over women. For example, doing things with their hands. I must give it to men, that when it comes to building things, planting trees, getting dirty, etc, men just have it going on. Another forte of men would be electronics, my Achilles heal.

For whatever reason, it seems like all guys understand electronics. Now that I'm down in "no-mans-land," I'm having to figure out my own electronic issues without the help of a guy. Yesterday, I was craving some US movies because lets face it, "A Walk to Remember," is just as bad dubbed over in Spanish as it is in English.

I found a site to download "Valentine's Day." It looks cute, and a year without having a guy around will mean I'll be watching all the romantic comedies I can sink my teeth into (there really aren't enough Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaughey movies). After 5 hours of downloading, I excitedly opened up the file and read, "this file is unable to play with your current system." WTF??! Ok, I just bought my Mac 3 months ago, this is just horse sh**!!!!

Now, normally if I were having this issue I would call a guy friend to walk me through the process of playing my movie. Well, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore! This time I was left to my own devices to figure it out. Long story short, I got it to work, threw a fist pump in the air and went to the MaxiKiosko for a bag of chips and a coke. Ahh, satisfaction tastes so good. Hopefully when I'm old and married my husband won't have to hear the dreaded, "Honey, the tv's not working" line because I can fix it all by myself!

This Just In: Laura Makes New Friend in Kitchen; Feels No Guilt Drinking Wine

At times I wish I had a camera crew following me around because my life resembles a reality show that has no off switch. People who know me, know that I love to cook. Being in Buenos Aires has taken a toll on my confidence in my cooking skills to whip something delicious up in minutes. Today I decided to tackle another meal, Pasta "Alfredo," sadly sans chicken. I have yet muster up the courage to purchase any meat from the grocery store. All my stomach wants is a big, juicy steak but my mind keeps saying, "Laura, almost every steak package in the store has been opened, lets pass." When I was in college, I went through my vegetarian stage; been there, done that, now give me a damn Whopper!!

I began cooking my meal and while it wasn't the most presentable dish I have made, it was surprisingly good! Score... Laura:1, Appetite:0. My host mother, Nelida, has repeatedly said that, "she doesn't need wine or liquor to have a good time." Well paint me red Nelida, because I love me some wine!! I bought a bottle of Malbec from Mendoza (Argentina), walked into the kitchen, stared her in the eyes and asked for the bottle opener. In the battle of wills, I have come out victorious.

Living in this house is like living with my parents. Wait, my parents celebrate Happy Hour daily... **Living in this house is like living with my grandparents. Hmmm, my grandparents indulge in vodka/waters promptly at 6:00 p.m every night... ***Ok, living here is like living with complete strangers who you have absolutely nothing in common with. Yes, that is sufficient for now. Between dinner and writing this blog, I've polished off half the bottle. Ahh, back to being par for the course feels so good.

So, I finished my dinner and cleaned up my dishes. I poured myself a little bit more wine and turned to throw out some trash when I made a new friend. Now, while our interaction was quite short, I believe we just instinctively knew what the other was thinking. I was thinking, "holy (insert your favorite explicative), a cockroach!!!" My newest friend, we'll call him "Cucu", was probably thinking, "dinner is over, time to get out of dodge!!" You know those heeby-geebies you get when you see something gross, like a spider?? Ya, I'll be sleeping tight with dreams of cockroaches crawling all over me tonight.

I believe this gives me an excuse to drink more wine... Right?

My First Cougar Spotting

Yesterday while on my way to work to prep for my classes, I will touch on this in a second, I saw something amazing. I was running for the C Line in the subte when I literally stopped dead in my tracks at my first cougar sighting. The woman was clearly older, I'd say around 50ish, with a guy who was around my age with tight jeans and a punk rock t-shirt. They were standing in a corner full on making out! Not that seeing people going at it is weird because everyone does it here, tongue and all. I'm just glad that some things (i.e. older women clinging to their youth by luring a young buck) are universal. Made me feel like I was at Lulu's in Indy.

My class preparations were interesting to say the least. For the most part my students are normal, working Argentines. Some for American Express, others work for YPF a huge oil company down here. Then there's Frank*, a "businessman" of sorts. I was told by my boss that I am not to ask any direct questions about what he does for a living. She told me that he lives in Belgrano, the ritzy part of the city, he owns an estate in the countryside and a summer home in the south of Spain. Interesting. Looks like I'll be working for a member of the mafia while I'm down here.

Last night I went to dinner at my new apartment that I'm moving into in two weeks. My roommates will be Fabiana (Faby) who is from Argentina, probably only 5'1" and who loves all sports. She's in phenomenal shape and has already told me where the closest gym is to our place. The other girl is Jessica (I believe it's a soft J) from Ireland. At first I thought she was going to be the shy one; within the first 10 minutes I'm pretty sure I knew her life story. We had a great girls night (something mythical that I haven't been apart of in years) and drank wine and Mate, a type of tea that looks like (cough) pot. This picture is from a huge garden that is 10 minutes away from my new place. It looks like a great place for a relaxing run. Que lindo!!

It was nice being around women who are similar to me. We all agreed that the majority of our closest friends were guys. Having grown up as a complete Tom Boy who loved catching frogs, climbing trees, and who always had holes in their jeans from running around, I find it difficult to relate to most women. I mean, is there really a difference between purple and periwinkle?? Also, if he doesn't call is it really the end of the world???

I am extremely excited to move in with these girls. Next Friday we are having a Swiss meal prepared by one of their friends. Should be fun!

On a completely unrelated note; I found a very small, dead worm in the last bite of my biscuit yesterday. I tried my best, but I was just unable to force myself to throw it up. Awesome, flipping awesome...

*All names have been changed to protect the identity of parties involved just incase "Big Brother" is watching. I'd hate to have the Feds come after me for questioning.

Easy Mac Ain't So Easy

It's a rainy day, I don't have classes until Monday, and I'm flat out bored of the "telenovelas" that are on during the daytime so I wanted to write about my experience at the Supermarket.

While I was packing, Pops said I should bring a small jar of peanut butter because if I was hungry all I needed to do was buy a loaf of bread. So, I bought the peanut butter and had it ready, that is, until I started to weigh my luggage. The cost for luggage over 50 lbs in the States is outrageous, so I had to "trim the fat" on what I could and could not bring. Peanut butter was one of the first to get cut. Yes, it only weighed a pound, but it was not making it in my bag over a great pair of shoes.

I arrived in Buenos Aires and like many other newbies, found a very expensive restaurant that cost 40 pesos for a salad and water, tipped the man 20% and went on my way. I have thus found out that for 40 pesos I could eat three or four meals from the supermarket; also it is only customary to tip 10% in restaurants and nothing for a taxi ride. Touche waiter, touche...

The other day I decided to check out the local Supermarket, Coto. It's a relatively big store that twists and turns like a labyrinth with no real organization, to my knowledge. My first lap around the store was interesting to say the least. In past travels, it was never necessary to go to the supermarket for groceries and I looked at everything from the eyes of a tourist. Now that I am living in Buenos Aires and will be for an extended period of time, I have been looking at things in a different light.

Walking around the store yielded a difficult experience; every time I saw something "different," to put it lightly, I had to stifle my laughter because some things were just plain weird. The eggs here for example; if you want eggs you can only buy them fresh. The eggs are located in one huge stack, each box interlocked with the other. I'm not talking about them being stacked on a shelf. No, no; they are literally stacked from the floor up, one on top of the either. Interesting...

Next was the meat department. Ever want to know what raw intestines coated in flour look like? Eh, less than desirable. But the pièce de resistance has to be the squid and dead fish display. I mean, squid as big as your head delicately laid out so they spill onto the ice. They are then intertwined with the jumbo fish, eyes and head included; followed by a swarm of flies that linger in the air for a bit of your savory meal. I'm not sure if I will ever find this appetizing.

So my first view of the store was less than impressive. My second go-round required me to change my thinking. "Ok Laura, you are starving and you need to not spend your money frivolously; find something that resembles Easy Mac and lets get going." My mental pep talk did the trick and I found my way to the pasta section. Alphaghetti and Zoodles were definitely out of the question, but there was a box that looked like it was targeted for kids and had macaroni-like pictures... BINGO!!! In the next isle I found the ketchup. I had all the fixin's for a home-ish meal.

I had my gear and was on my way out, not before being stopped by an elderly lady whose spanish went a mile a minute. She kept telling me that I needed to drink milk and exercise at least 30 minutes a day. I'm not sure why she felt the need to share this information but I let her tell me how things were just to make her happy.

I went home and made my "Mac-n-Cheese." Let me tell you, Argentina does not know what's up in this department. The meal was less than impressive, although it was edible. My host family thought it was the weirdest thing that I put ketchup on my pasta. I told them Americans feel the same way; Ketchup and Kraft dinner, for Canadians, go together like da Bears, Ditka, and Sausage.

I have thus found out that Peanut Butter is like Sasquatch here; people have heard of it but rarely see it. Perfect, looks like the Parents were right. Can't I get a care package people??!!

The rain has stopped and the sun is coming out. Time to get out of this house!

Lessons Learned in the First Week

From my trips overseas I have learned a major rule that one should always follow when traveling. It's called watching where you walk. Much like other cities, in Buenos Aires, people with dogs tend to ahem... Let their dogs crap everywhere!! With how many dogs that I've seen in the city, there must be a sidewalk cleaning service because it doesn't look as bad as it could be.

Today after my follow up interview with a language school, I grabbed a diet coke, a strawberry popsicle, and some Cheetos and headed to what has become my favorite place in the city, La Plaza Libertador. This park is amazing! It has this great playground for kids, tree branches that hang low enough that they have become park benches, and bums sleeping in the shade (wait that's not nice, so lets just move on); my favorite is this large grassy hill. So, while walking to my own personal Garden of Eden, I had forgotten the golden rule; make sure you watch where you're walking. I was so wrapped up in the beautiful day and the newness that surrounded me, that I managed to walk right over a grate. Now you might ask, "it's a grate, what's the problem?" Well, the problem was that I was wearing a flowy skirt and very small panties when I encountered my first Marlin Monroe moment... Yes, many tourists, workers, and policemen saw my bitty panties (it's so freaking hot here, the smaller the better!). I couldn't see myself, but I'm sure it wasn't as graceful as Ms. Monroe. I received many whistles and cheering, enough to make me hustle out of there like I was on fire.

So after my enjoyable lunch in the park, I went to look at an apartment in San Telmo, the oldest part of the city. This place was great! Amazing view, super nice roommates, but it wasn't in Palermo; Palermo reminds me of an old town Chicago, very chic and young. After I was done looking at apartments, I got on the Subte (the metro) and headed back to San Cristobol, where I will be living for a month. I turned on my iPod and grooved to the music. What I didn't realize, was that while I was enamored with the funk of the Nappy Roots, I was at my stop!! I quickly hopped up to get off, but not quick enough...

Enter rule number two that I must keep in mind daily; you need to pay attention on the Subte. While running to get off the train... I got stuck in the doors... Completely and hopelessly stuck. At first it was my entire upper body. I managed to pull my shoulders out of the door, but then I saw a fallen solider, my bag; it was stuck and the train was announcing that it was pulling out. I yelled a few obscenities (hopefully no one understood english too well) and tried to save my bag along with my dignity. Thankfully a nice gentleman helped wedge the doors open so I could safely run away without showing my face again.

Ahh, the learning curve hasn't been very forgiving but it's all apart of the adventure! Well, it's time to go lay out on the terrace.

Ciao!

Mi-ja-mi

What other way would a girl want to go out of the US than a trip to SoFla? Do you think I minded that it was only 65 degrees? Nope, not one bit. Did I still try to get a tan while shivering cold? Yup, you betcha! Miami holds a dear place in my heart and when I find my millionaire (or make it on my own, thanks to Susan B. Anthony) I will one day have a yacht that will stay in Miami. Why not a condo, you might ask? Well, you don't see a condo picking up and taking off for Belize when it wants to.

Besides being the place where my richest dreams run wild, it is also the place where good friends can come together. Imagine a week of being the only girl with four guys... Ya, it's not a pretty picture but it sure was fun as hell!! The best remark of all came from "Luch" aka "Pooh Bear." I had commented on how the place was less than clean and in the most innocent voice, Pooh Bear responded with, "Really? We cleaned it up yesterday because you were coming." Aww, when are men going to realize that as clean as they may think they are, they will always be disgusting and in need of a woman.

So after night after night of going out, VIP Mia style, it was time for some needed rest. Our final night was spent watching SportsCenter and the Colbert Report. I needed some good old American-on-American bashing before I hear what the world really thinks via BBC news; SportsCenter was a good choice as soon I will only be watching Futbol aaannddd Futbol... Not that I mind Futbol, not to be confused with Football, but a girl needs some variety, especially since the Chicago Bears have made a few good plays this off season. I've decided that I'm going to make some Republican, sport-enthused guy very happy one day (so long as he has blonde hair, blue eyes, and is over 6 feet, not that I'm picky).

The day I left was pleasant. I woke up early because I couldn't sleep, and got myself together, grabbed a 24 oz Corona to calm my nerves and blissfully waited for the boys to wake up. I was dropped off at the airport for my flight and took one last look at homeland soil. And if you're wondering, yes I cried, and it was my mothers fault. Can't win them all.