Mele Kalikimaka Folks!!

It's December 9th and the citizens of the great white North are hunkering down for a long winters nap. Right now they're out buying egg nog and christmas trees; they're shopping to and fro for the latest and greatest gifts, all the while scrapping ice chunks from their defrosting car windows. The radio stations have long since started their 24/7 Christmas jingles, getting people in the holiday spirit more than a month in advance. You're right 105.7, Alvin and the Chipmunks should be played until it is obnoxiously stuck in your brain well through St. Patricks day.

Christmas in North America is more than just a day; it's a month worth of bargain shopping, present wrapping, stress inducing HELL... Now don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. It's a wonderful holiday and the saying really is true, "it's better to give than receive." I love shopping for my family and Moose, but I don't like all the BS that surrounds this soul-crushing day.

For those of you that don't know, the Gilbert's and Mrs. Britt are escaping the bitter cold to venture to the addictive city of Buenos Aires for a holiday in the sun (and humidity). Thus far I have already been enjoying the beauty that is the Holiday Season in the Southern Hemisphere. For example, at parks, malls, and buildings, you can find yourself looking at huge, plastic Christmas trees, bedazzled with hand-woven tinsel and gaudy ornaments. You can throw on a skimpy two-piece and head to a grassy area to be surrounded by beautiful men and women leisurely bronzing their already sun-kissed shoulders. Just don't expect to cozy up to a roasting fire with a cup of hot chocolate here; instead grab a glass of crisp, white wine and head to the balcony to breathe in the sweet, flower-drunk air that breezes past your face.

To date, I have yet to hear even a single Christmas carol, and Santa isn't causing mothers and children to throw tantrums when the midget elf closes the line 15 minutes early. The malls don't seem to be any busier than they normally are. Not that I typically go to the mall here, aside from it being a shortcut and a proven way of cutting exactly 2 minutes off my daily commute. In all, it's be an extremely stressless holiday season, a first in my 25 years.

This year, due to location, we won't be able to do all of the same "Gilbert Traditions" we are accustomed to, but I'll try to stick to as many as I can. The night before, I'm banking on one of the family members to bring "Christmas Vacation," a staple of American comedy/culture and the Gilbert family. I'm not sure if I can remember a time that we didn't watch this the night before. Yes, as a family, we could single handedly recite the entire video from start to finish, but that's what traditions are!!

For any of you who aren't aware of the famous Male Kalikimaka scene, here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWN5Chp1Hyg

Christmas morning will always consist of eggs benedict, grapefruits, and mimosas, no matter where we are in the world. But this year instead of a large turkey dinner that the mother slaves over all day, we will be enjoying a traditional Argentine asado, complete with chorizo, beef, and red wine. If I'm lucky, Bevy will bring the chinese poppers, equipped with paper hats and small toys (See picture above).

Cariló, Argentina will be the location of our sun-drenched getaway. It's called the "Forest on the Beach," and thankfully isn't a typical tourist destination. We'll be two blocks away from the surf and 300 clicks away from the hustle and bustle of the big smoke that is Buenos Aires. I think it'll be a great introduction for the gringos to the relaxed Argentine pace of life. Plus Papa G will absolutely love the BBQs here (insert Tim "The ToolMan" Taylor grunt here).

It's been funny chatting with people about customs here. Take Santa for example, or Papa Noel for Argies; in this country, the bearded man defies all laws of reason and logic, and enters each house exactly at midnight, while the children are busy hiding in their rooms. With the jingle of a bell, the kiddies emerge to find a room full of red-faced, drunk relatives and a tree full of presents. Now, as a believer well into my 13th year, I just don't see how these kids haven't figured it out earlier. Maybe anglo-saxton kids are more intelligent... Just spitballing ideas!

In sum: While we may not have a tree this year or even presents for that matter (three flights to BA is sufficient enough), we'll have each other, and that's worth its weight in gold.

So to everyone, I send hugs and kisses, and a very Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Joyeux Noel, Felix Natal, and Mele Kalikimaka from Buenos Aires!

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Very unrelated... I've jumped on the Amy Winehouse bandwagon a few years behind the times and would suggest listening to, "Me, Mrs. Jones." My sister-in-law first turned me on to her, and now it's a full-blown addiction. It's sensational song and every time I listen to it, I drift off to hedonistic memories that will one day fill a chapter in my book dedicated to the "Elusive Mrs. Jones" and the man she fell in love with.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MVziVfYz2w

Life is Simple...

Life is easy when it's all drawn out for you.

Hey Everybody, Come See How Funny I Am!!

I recently had a conversation with a friend about online dating, and about how you would describe yourself, which got me thinking… If I wanted to bullshit people, I’d say something like, “carefree blonde, adventure traveler, full of life, easy going, athletic, and fun sense of humor…” blah blah blah.

Yes those are all my characteristics, but it really doesn’t read “Laura.” What I would truly want to say, is “Perfectly highlighted blonde, impulsive to the point of carless traveler, full of life (ya that’s pretty spot on), easy going when consuming, athletic-soccer-playing tomboy covered in bruises, and absolutely, sarcastically-f*cking-hilarious.

We’ve all heard the saying “An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.” Well, I’ve tweaked my personal version; my motto to live by, my mantra, my adage would be:

“One belly laugh a day, keeps the doctor away.”

I think it goes without saying that anyone who comes into contact with me is impressed with my quick tongue and even quicker wit (geeeez I'm modest too). Making people laugh is a very unconscious act for me, and it could even be a selfish one; as we all know, laughter is contagious. The more people that laugh around me, the more I get to laugh and the glorious circle continues.

One aspect that many find difficult when learning another language is how to be funny. I don’t know if I could go an entire day without being sarcastic, or quick with a joke (thanks billy joel), or draw attention to how absurd I can be. It’s just impossible… Well, let me rephrase that to, "in English it’s impossible."

Spanish is another story. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain, “that’s what she said” to argentines. It just doesn’t translate over culturally. Take for example the conversation I was having the other day with some friends. Someone casually said (in Spanish), “it seems like we’re changing positions all the time.”

What was my gut reaction….? “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!”

I couldn’t believe it; I was set up perfectly, hit it out of the park, intonation and all, and I got nothing… No laugh, no snicker, just a questioning look from the argentine peanut gallery that sat across from me. One finally asked me, “wait, who is she? And what did she say?”

I dropped my head and buried myself in my Malbec, beaten and torn. Now, don’t get me wrong, I definitely make people laugh in Spanish, I’m just not sure if they’re laughing with me or at me. I mean, a laugh is a laugh, right?

And the next time someone says something to me on the Subte or bus, along the lines of, "Can you push yourself in further?" I'll stifle my laughter and attempt to act like an adult (well maybe).